


Fire and Ice.

by sourbunnywolf



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Feels, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Light Angst, One Shot, Sad, Short One Shot, Solas is a butt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 15:56:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7469805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourbunnywolf/pseuds/sourbunnywolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not too long after that night in Crestwood, Kari allows herself some moment of emotion and reflection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fire and Ice.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if the ending isn't that great, I wasn't too sure how to end it, but I tried! Thanks for reading.

It wasn’t until she retreated to her quarters that she allowed any sort of emotion to pass over her now naked face, but even still her mind could not process what had transpired between herself and Solas. Part of her wanted to rage, and yell at him, but the other part wanted to see things from his perspective. She wanted nothing more than to have peace, their plans would not work out, if the two of them were at odds, because she knew that she needed him, in more than one way.

Her face was still warm from where his fingers, and mouth met her skin; her body ached for his touch. Yet she knew that it would never be as it was, where she would see the openly awe-filled expression Solas would get when he looked at her, or the way his eyes traveled down to her lips, she would never feel his arms around her again, and suddenly she felt cold. She had to take in a breath, because if she didn’t, the storm would come, and she didn’t think she had it in her to explain why her eyes were puffy as well as red, or why her cheeks were tear-stained.

How she felt made her angry, she didn’t want to cry, she was the Inquisitor, she was to inspire hope, and be a leader, but how? How could she when she felt broken, torn apart like the sky had been before she had closed all the rifts. How could Solas kiss her like that, then tell her he couldn’t do this anymore? The more that she thought about, the harder it was too push down how she felt, she could have known about her people from drinking from the Well of Sorrows, but she didn’t want to have Solas disapprove of her actions. She never did, all she wanted was to have his affection, as well as his approval, but now all she had was what, exactly? A business partner? A friend? A bitter laugh escaped her lips, she never kissed her friends like that. Well, at least not on the lips, nor did she allow them to place their hands on certain parts of her anatomy.

What was she to tell her friends? They seemed to have noticed the way they looked at each other, but now their lingering looks would be no more. Perhaps she would say nothing, it wasn’t like she wished to speak about it, and she knew for certain that Solas would rather focus at the matter at hand, to which she didn’t blame him, but why can’t they do both? Have the support of each other when things got rough? Did he not wish to feel the pain of her loss, if she didn’t make it past the battle?  He seemed like he had control over his emotions, he was like a tightly wound ball, that nobody could unbind. He said his views, gave his opinions, but he did not let himself get close to anyone, except perhaps Cole. Sweet Cole, she would have to avoid him too, until she was able to bury the pain deep enough so he wouldn’t be able to dig it up from her thoughts. Maybe instead, she could hide in her room when she wasn’t needed, or throw herself into her work, like Josephine, and Leliana did. Kari could convince herself that this was better, that she couldn’t afford any distraction, nor could she play favourites. These were her people, she couldn’t rush to Solas’ side, if he was hurt, she had to help everyone, even if it killed her.

She moved forward toward her bed, not really feeling the flow of her limbs taking her to where she lay her head, if she could sleep much. Her worries, and fears would plague her mind, especially after having been to the Fade, the guilt of having to pick which life would be safe bothered her, she didn’t wish to sacrifice anyone, she only wanted everyone to live and be happy. She mused that that didn’t extend to herself though, the hero doesn’t always win in the end, do they? They must do what they must, no matter the cost. Was that how Solas felt? That these feelings would cost him something? That he was doing her a favour, or merely himself. He mentioned so many times that he hadn’t known true friendship, or met anyone like her, yet he was able to leave her alone. It still didn’t feel real to her, it was as if her mind was rejecting reality, or couldn’t come to terms with what happened, ever her belly churned and her hands shook. It took all her willpower not to throw herself onto the bed and weep for hours. She didn’t have that luxury though, she had people to speak to, evil wannabe Gods to kill, and an Inquisition to lead, not only that, she had to help pick the Divine out, or at least lead her support. There was so much to be done, and yet she didn’t wish to move, or bear to look at anyone in the face; it made her feel like a young woman again, when she longed for something more, some kind of spark in her life, and then she felt it when Solas took her wrist and helped her close that first rift, “everything changed” he said, and boy was he right.

In those early days, Kari woke up excited, and nervous, but mostly excited to help out. She always looked forward to hearing what her companions had to say, and when she found out she’d be helped by another elf, she was ecstatic, but Solas was different, he didn’t think of himself in that way, but he understood, he sought after information like he was drinking water from a stream. He was mysterious, and unlike any other man she knew. Now she knew plenty like Iron Bull, always wanting to hit things, and making crude jokes, but he had a heart of gold, and was loyal. She cared for him deeply, and really enjoyed their friendship, which made her wonder if she should go have a drink with him, it was the only other time she could let herself be free of her tasks. She knew that she could always have a good time with him, even if they were talking about killing dragons, or him being annoyed at demons.

But it looked as if Kari was attempting to distract herself from the pain she felt, and she knew that Cole wouldn’t be far away from where Iron Bull sat, so perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to go there. This was an irritation, to say the least. All she wanted to do was for things to go back as they were, so that she didn’t yearn for the man that wasn’t too far from where she currently was, just a few stairs, a few steps, then a door kept them apart. Also, it was the route which she took to go see Cullen, always passing by Solas, seeing him bent over his desk, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, or him standing by the wall, possibly looking at his painting. It was an excuse to see him, possibly hear him say those words to her, or just listen to the soft velvet of his voice. Funny how she couldn’t do that now without wondering what Solas was thinking; was he thinking of her? Hope that she would be safe, and sound? He said he cared for her, and that he never felt these feelings in a very long time, so it was still strange to her to think about this whole situation.

Perhaps she was still fortunate to have him, and he didn’t just leave. She can still see him, but how could her heart handle it? Could she make him stay behind every time? Would he ask why, or would be already know? She also wondered if Solas would speak to Cole about this, they did seem to have gotten quite close, and Solas did manage to defend the young man when everyone wanted him gone. Kari sighed as she walked out onto her balcony, and let the cool air whip over her skin, when he leaned against the stone, she thought about the words he said to her. It sounded as if there was something more, but she didn’t know what. Solas was never one to share things about himself, and if anyone got close, he would shut them down. Kari sighed, her hand moving up to rub down her face, while the other went to rest on the icy stone. She wanted to be alone, however she also wanted to have Solas comfort her, but he couldn’t and nobody else would understand, except for Cole. She had too many feelings though, it would only make him hurt, so all she could do was stay here and look at into the vastness of the view she was lucky to be gifted with.

“Inquisitor?”

There was a soft voice behind her, and when Kari turned around she automatically plastered a smile on her face, it was Josephine, looking a little awkward for having to be in her room.

“I...you didn’t respond when I knocked, I hope I’m not intruding?”

“Of course not, what can I do for you?”

“You are needed...unless you need more time? I can come up with an excuse, if you’d like.”

“No, no. I just need to change, and then I will be down. Thank you, Josephine.”

Josephine left with a little bow, and a smile. Could she tell that she wasn’t looking forward to going back down to the masses? She could use the excuse of having to change into something new, if anyone asked her where she had been. Perhaps she could say she had no idea what to wear, so it took her longer than planned. Would they believe that? Why not? She did wish to look presentable, especially since the nobles looked down at elves, and everyone knew about much some of them loved their fashion.

It wasn’t hard to pick out an outfit, the first thing that caught her eye was dark fabric, and so she put that one on smoothed her hands over her hair then made her way to the door, down to where she was needed.

“I am the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste. I have fought demons, red lyrium templars, and venatori. I have lost, and survived. If I can suffer through that, then I can do this. My people need me.”

She raised her chin, and hoped that these words would hold her up while she secretly wished to be distracted by the one person who wished to have her at arm’s length, however in her heart she knew that it could not be, so she went down the stairs, making the descent down into Hell, knowing full well that this would be the beginning of the end.


End file.
